After 8.67 Innings & 10 Beers

Sonofabitch.

Dave Roberts is Fast

They just showed the Flashback of that stolen base in 2004.

Goddamnit.

After 2.5 Innings & 4 Beers

So I'm watching my first full Tribe contest in quite awhile. A far cry from an average of ~150 games/year. Anyway, I'm out of the loop. Thus this post.

1) Kelly Shoppach looks a lot like a RH Jim Thome at the plate. He points the bat, adjusts the helmet and pants, and tries to look real mean.

2) Shut the fuck up about Manny Ramirez's 16 game hitting streak. Give me a few years in the Majors and I can hit 16 games in a row. Especially with a Green Monster 100 feet away. Wake me up around game 40.

3) You know that I complain a lot about ESPN commentators that know 85% NYY & BOS and 15% MLB. One of the worst transgressions these assholes make is when they argue with K-Zone when it goes against the Sox or Yanks. "Well, I thought that pitch was high and inside. Apparently K-Zone thought otherwise. It's still a good pitch for [insert primadonna here] to take with two strikes." ... Apparently not.

4) I forgot that we had Luna in our organization for like 5 years. Is that all that Belliard is worth? Someone we cut after evaluating him for half a decade?

5) I didn't know the NL West was so tight. Granted, they still all suck with the leader being five games above .500, but when the hell did the Diamondbacks become contenders? What year is this?

6) I'm sick of people saying, "That's just Manny being Manny." Usually it's in regard to an asinine diving cut-off attempt that costs his team runs. Annoying.... Today they showed Ramirez on the screen working his dreads into his cap. "That's just Manny being Manny." What the hell does that mean? Infuriating.

7) I like Paul Byrd's delivery. Old school. Unfortunately, it seems as if most of the AL hitters like it as well.

8) I knew that the Tribe had an even better team batting average than last year and that their pitching (and defense) has been the cause of this year's decline. I had no idea that they were only 11th in pitching. That's not too terrible. Wait, I just realized that I don't know if that's MLB (as I originally thought) or just AL. Obviously, that makes a difference. Time to go look it up.

9) I think we're going to be a force next year once Jhonny wakes up.

Waiting Periods for Firearm Purchases are Ineffective

Despite the empty promises of anti-gun advocates that a required waiting period for firearm purchases will stop criminal activity, the criminals continue to prove them wrong.

Naveed Afzal Haq stands accused of killing one woman and wounding five others at a Jewish center in Seattle, WA on Friday, July 28. One of the first victims to be attacked is five months pregnant and was shot in the arm while trying to protect her abdomen.

From the CNN.com article describing the event:

“The day before the shootings, Haq picked up .40-caliber and .45-caliber semiautomatic handguns from two different stores in the Seattle area after honoring the waiting period for purchasing weapons…

Once he arrived at the Jewish center -- a heavily fortified building with bulletproof windows and security cameras -- Haq hid behind a plant outside one of the center's locked doors. When a young girl approached, he grabbed her and forced her to take him inside, [Police Chief Gil] Kerlikowske said.”

It is only logical to conclude that someone deranged enough to commit premeditated murder against innocent women will not be stopped by ineffectual legislation like mandatory waiting periods. Waiting periods are a prime example of an inconvenience placed upon the law-abiding citizenry in the hopes that a false sense of security will distract the populace from our nation’s growing crime problem.

Those in authority should focus more on controlling the criminal population and less on creating feeble “feel good” legislation that does nothing to combat those in our society that are violently combative.

What I Struggle With:

I realize variety is the spice of life and not everyone feels comfortable with training and personally carrying a handgun for self-defense. That's cool with me. A lot of anti-gun people don't want anyone to be able to protect themselves or others. I don't understand... if it were your wife and unborn baby, wouldn't you want a well-trained and responsible citizen to stop this maniac?

What Really Grinds My Gears - Part 4

You know what really grinds my gears?

People that look at their cell phone/blackberry/whatever every 5 minutes in the movie theater. Joanna and I made our first visit to the cinema in at least 9 months and everyone around us kept lighting up their modern digital devices. Very distracting. God forbid you have to sit for two hours without texting Boo or Shorty. There was this one kid that used his cell phone like a flashlight on his way in and out of the theater. Like he couldn't see well enough to not sit in someone's lap. Hey! Jackass! Perhaps if you use a belt, thereby freeing up your pants-holding hand, you'd be less likely to trip in the dark.

I remember people pulling out cell phones to perhaps check the time when we last partook of the cinema, but nothing like this. More kids trying to prove their worth through material items instead of treasuring the gifts of education and self esteem.

I look forward to spending my tax dollars on their prison-supplied free weights.

Punks.

And that folks, is what really grinds my gears.

Hit the Showers

Whoa! How did I miss this?

Reason for firing by ESPN was a ’misunderstanding,’ Reynolds says

Associated Press

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

NEW YORK -- Harold Reynolds was fired by ESPN from his job as a baseball analyst after he was accused of sexual harassment, the New York Post reported today...

"It was a total misunderstanding," Reynolds told the Post. "My goal is to sit down and get back. To be honest with you, I gave a woman a hug and I felt like it was misinterpreted."

The newspaper, quoting sources, reported that the woman is an ESPN employee.

I'd like to say something hilariously sexual about Rachel Nichols here, but my wife would get mad.

Boy do I not miss Cincinnati

True... my time there allowed me to meet my beautiful wife and take in a few Reds' games, but that place is a cesspool of crime, violence, and racial tension.

A July 27th editorial in the Cincinnati Enquirer entitled “Cincinnati Should Ban Handguns” called for legislation to do just that. The editorial states,

“We need a gun control ordinance like they have in Morton Grove, Ill., that bans the possession and ownership of handguns. We need a buy-back program where the city will buy back handguns. We need the churches to go out in the neighborhoods and beg people to bring their handguns and anonymously drop them off at the church office. We need to get some of those for whom guns are important symbols and means of livelihood to come on our side and preach the way of Jesus and Mohammed and Abraham, and not the way of the gun. We need to create a sense of community that says we don't need guns and we don't need murder…

A lot of killings have occurred because someone decided for the first time to use a gun - a first-time convenience store robbery or drug-related killing. The bad act is obtaining the gun and then using it.”

Amidst this editorial’s many other illogical conclusions, it neglects to clarify one important point: How would the enactment of a city-wide ban of handguns convince criminals that are robbing, raping, and murdering the citizens of Cincinnati to finally turn their lives around and abandon their weapons? If current laws forbidding the illegal use of firearms are not a deterrent to those criminals (even if it is their first time), why would this legislation be any different? The article implies that the threat of being convicted of murder is not sufficient, but the threat of being convicted of a simple city ordinance would be an effective deterrent. That just does not add up. By definition, criminals break laws and this ineffectual handgun ban would only be one more that they disregard.

If not criminals, who would be affected by the proposed ban? The answer is law-abiding citizens that have come to the conclusion that no matter how many laws are enacted, an element of society will still exist that ignores them and preys on the innocent. Millions of citizens have taken the necessary steps to influence the most important crime statistic of all: The Personal Murder Rate of Their Family. This statistic can be positively influenced by becoming a responsible, legal, and well-trained firearm owner for the purpose of self defense.

U.S. House Passes Gun Confiscation Prohibition

Yesterday, the U.S. House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed "The Disaster Recovery Personal Protection Act" by a margin of 322-99. I honestly don't see how 99 of our esteemed Representatives can get away with voting against this.

This is similar to, but farther reaching than, the Homeland Security scoped legislation passed earlier. It prohibits gun confiscation from otherwise legal citizens during a national emergency similar to what occurred during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The new limitation would apply to federal law enforcement, military officers, and local police that receive federal funds. Many states (including Ohio) are considering similar legislation for statewide prohibition.

If you want, read more here.

Legally Armed Citizen Stops Knife-Wielding Lunatic

8 stabbed at grocery store, co-worker arrested

Friday, July 21, 2006; Posted: 7:38 p.m. EDT (23:38 GMT)

ARLINGTON, Tennessee (AP) -- A knife-wielding grocery store employee attacked eight co-workers Friday, seriously injuring five before a witness pulled a gun and stopped him, police said.

...

Cope said he grabbed a 9mm semiautomatic pistol from his pickup truck when he saw the attacker chasing the victim "like something in a serial killer movie."

"When he turned around and saw my pistol, he threw the knife away, put his hands up and got on the ground," Cope told The Associated Press. "He saw my gun and that was pretty much it."

Police arrived within minutes and took the attacker into custody.

...

The best part about this is that a shot never had to be fired.

I promise to post every single article I run across that describes legally licensed citizens engaging in all of the shoot-outs over parking spaces the anti-gun folks predicted. Unfortunately, they're really hard to come by... I don't know of any.

I also promise to not post every article like this one, because I see one at least three to four times a week.

What Really Grinds My Gears - Part 3

You know what really grinds my gears?

When football commentators say, "The defense has been on the field a long time. This is like the 53rd consecutive play. They must really be getting tired out there." As if this is some great thing for the offense and a score is guaranteed. Well let me tell you something, Mr. Madden... You may look like a football, but you haven't convinced me that you know anything about the sport that uses a football. And not the gay-ass round football you find over in Socialist countries that wear berets and eat trumpets with their tea. I'm talking about a real football! A sporting object that's made from the hide of wild boars. With laces so white you thought they were made of authentic politician teeth.

Anyway, the offense has participated in just as many plays as the defense, and are equally tired. Only you never hear about what pussies they are during a long drive.

And that, folks, is what really grinds my gears.

Time to Shave and Lose a Couple Pounds

For the Tribe has traded Bob Wickman.

As this summer has provided the first baseball funk I've been in since before hitting puberty (at age 7), I only want to wish the Cleveland Indians' all-time saves leader continued success in the future. We'll miss you, Bob... and think you're worth more than a 21 year old Class A catcher.

Quick Aside

Many articles both here and on The Francis Blog discuss how politicians/journalists will sometimes push for ineffectual laws claiming, "Vote for me, I want to protect your kids."

Whenever I hear something like that, I picture the "Much Apu About Nothing" episode of the Simpsons where they form a Bear Patrol and Maude Flanders runs around screaching, "Please, WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!"



Anyone else?

Just me?

Oh well.

"Assault Honda Kills Five"

To put the "Defining an Assault Rifle" post in another light, imagine how we could curb (pun intended) hundreds of thousands of senseless killings if we arbitrarily banned other objects based on looks rather than function.

As more people are killed every year by automobiles than firearms, I call for an immediate ban on all assault vehicles. It's for the children!!!

(L) "Assault vehicle" means any:

(1) Automatic transmission vehicle capable of holding more than ten gallons of gas and has one or more of the following:

(a) A gearshift that protrudes from the floorboard and is shaped differently than other gearshifts;

(b) A telescoping or adjustable steering column;

(d) A shroud attached to the muffler, allowing the bearer to touch it without being burned; or

(e) An air resistance brake or compensator that makes the vehicle a little easier to control if driving it in excess of 300 mph.

I found this article and thought I'd post it in its entirety:

Assault Honda Kills Five
by Dan White
Wednesday, 24 May 2006

NewsNet5.com is reporting a story today about two sisters and their three toddlers who were intentionally run over by a man in Georgia Tuesday.

In light of this tragedy, I cannot help but wonder why the media isn't calling for a ban on automatic (transmission) assault cars. In keeping with their tradition of reporting on similar crimes committed with firearms, they should be pleading for sensible car laws including waiting periods, background checks, limits on the amount of gasoline the tank can hold, and "no cars" signs at the parking lot entrances. They should also be serving the public good by printing the name, age, and county of residence of all driver's permit holders in the newspapers. Local city councils should also be considering bans on vehicles in all public places.

The driver of the car, whom his mother claims suffers from mental illness, was reportedly smiling as he committed his crime. Wouldn't a seven day waiting period on automobile purchases prevented this crime? Maybe an ignition lock would have helped. Perhaps his mother bought the car for him (a straw purchase).

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg should be stepping to the plate and calling for a lawsuit against car dealers and manufacturers. Surely they should be able to control how their product is used or misused.

Banning assault vehicles should be easy. There isn't even a pesky constitutional amendment standing in the way.

The truth is that sometimes bad people do bad things. Almost anything can be used as a weapon to injure or kill. Blaming the inanimate object, or punishing those who did not commit a crime with it, solves nothing. Media bias demonizing one object, and not another, for such misuse does nothing to address the problem. Violence is caused by the individual, not the tool. Trying to remove one particular tool from everyone will not prevent a criminal from using another tool to accomplish his goals, and serves only to deprive the law-abiding. That's not how a free society is supposed to work.

Defining an Assault Rifle

You may be surprised, but I do support some regulation of firearms (e.g. instant background checks, prohibition for felons). One area of regulation that is very murky and provides a good example of how politicians pass ineffectual laws and stir up a lot of unnecessary hand-wringing with mis-led constituents is the battle against so-called "Assault Rifles."

Just hearing the name makes us shiver from images of ski-masked gangs beating down our doors and spraying thousands of rounds a minute from speeding, shiny-rimmed Impalas.

The truth of the matter is that every single Assault Weapon Ban (AWB) or related legislation concerns itself only with the appearance of the firearm and not with how it functions. When most people hear "assault weapon" they invariably think of a fully automatic machine gun where multiple bullets can be expelled with a single pull of the trigger. AWBs do not address these firearms, as they have been severely restricted since the 1934 National Firearms Act. Notice that I said "restricted" as citizens can obtain them by undergoing a multi-year full cavity search and paying thousands of dollars to the ATF for registration.

No, AWBs arbitrarily decide that some cosmetic modifications are taboo because it makes the gun look more dangerous, while never explaining it has no impact on how the firearm functions. The AWB I am most familiar with is the one still active in Columbus, OH. Coincidentally, it is almost exactly the same as the federal AWB enacted under the Clinton Administration. Let's take a look:

(L) "Assault weapon" means any:

(1) Semi-automatic rifle that has the capacity to accept a detachable magazine and has one or more of the following:
(a) A pistol grip that protrudes conspicuously beneath the receiver of the weapon;
(b) Any feature capable of functioning as a protruding grip that can be held by the non-trigger hand;
(c) A folding, telescoping or thumbhole stock;
(d) A shroud attached to the barrel, or that partially or completely encircles the barrel, allowing the bearer to hold the firearm with the non-trigger hand without being burned, but excluding a slide that encloses the barrel; or
(e) A muzzle brake or muzzle compensator;

As for item (1), this addresses 99% of semi-automatic rifles, as they all have a detachable magazine. We're talking run-of-the-mill hunting rifles here. Semi-automatic means that only one bullet can be fired for every pull of the trigger. These are not "rapid fire" or "military oriented" weapons. It's the rest of the sub-conditions that define an assault rifle, and every single one only talks about cosmetics:

(a) A pistol grip -- where your trigger hand holds the rifle
(b) Protruding Grip -- I have no idea... sounds like a reiteration of item (a)
(c) A different stock (the part you hold against your shoulder) -- that can either be adjusted in size for those with longer/shorter arms or has a hole cut in it for your thumb
(d) A barrel shroud -- so you can't directly touch the barrel, having no effect on operation
(e) A muzzle brake -- now this would minimally affect function for fully automatic machine guns as a brake will help reduce recoil. Semi-autos can't fire fast enough to notice any effect, so all it does is make it look cooler.

None of these accessories fundamentally change the way the rifle shoots. It still only fires one bullet at a time. The bullet goes just as fast. The bullet goes just as far. If you were to take off the pistol grip, barrel shroud, and muzzle brake, the gun would function exactly the same.

The AWB goes on to describe semi-automatic pistols and shotguns, which you're welcome to read about in the link I provided above as they also only describe arbitrary, cosmetic differences. But I just wanted to comment on rifles due to our recent discussion involving the SKS. By the way, even using the arbitrary definition of the Columbus AWB, the SKS is not an "assault rifle" in their eyes.

So to sum up, what are we talking about here? Let's put it to the test. There are two rifles shown below. One is the Ruger 10/22, perhaps one of the greatest selling semi-automatic rifles of all time. A rifle that most people would never think twice about. The other is a semi-automatic Bushmaster AR-15. Because some people think it looks scarier, it could be illegal where you live, although it functions exactly the same as the Ruger and is no more dangerous in how it operates.


Ruger 10/22

Bushmaster AR-15


Do we really need to have legislation in place that outlaws mere objects based on looks? Or do you think maybe some politicians and all anti-gun activists use mis-leading information to influence the public with unfounded claims of making them safer...



And just for continuity, here's a picture of the SKS that "tactical officer" Faust severely misinformed us about in the previous article. Perhaps I'll do a review of my slightly different version, the Yugoslavian SKS 59/66. I'm sure that will be an audience pleaser. :)


Thanks for reading.

Why do some citizens fear firearms?

Because of blatantly mis-leading garbage like this that comes from the mouth of some Law Enforcement Officers:

5 men arrested as police raid Algiers complex

Bust turns up drugs, powerful assault rifle

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

By Trymaine Lee

...

Equipped with a folding bayonet and armor-piercing rounds, the rifle is a cheap and highly effective weapon -- the predecessor of the AK-47 -- that can blast through engine blocks as easily as it can bones, said Louis Faust, one of nearly 20 NOPD tactical officers who arrested five people, including Thomas.

...

The SKS sells for as little as $100 in the streets and is highly accurate, Faust said. And the high-caliber ammunition it uses is meant for maximum bodily damage.

Faust said the steel core bullets used in an SKS strike the body then follow bone, so a bullet can "enter your shoulder and come out of your toe."

Obviously, the average citizen isn't an expert in ballistics and ammunition performance. Personally, I didn't know anything about the Samozaryadnyi Karabin sistemi Simonova (SKS) rifle until six months ago. I do now, as I own one.

Unless asked, I promise to not bore you with ballistic statistics comparing the 7.62x39 cartridge to other rifle rounds. Trust me... the scare tactics of "tactical officer" Faust are just that and have no basis in reality. The SKS was designed in 1945 and is not all that accurate, easily deployed, or effective, being chambered for a somewhat ineffectual round.

Any rifle used illegally will obviously cause harm to a human target. We don't need people in authority purposely mis-leading others into believing that a 60 year old rifle, that is really heavy, with an effective range of 75-100 yards is "highly accurate" and is the first choice for gang bangers everywhere to carry on the streets.

Hot Enough For Ya?

I detest the summer heat. Not because of the warm temperatures, but because of everyone talking about it. Journalists, barbers, old people... It's SUMMER! Of course it's hot.

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment as I actually read an article from the Dayton Daily News with the word "muggy" in the title. I understand "relative humidity" but didn't know much about the "dew point."

Enjoy. But only after drinking plenty of water.

Jamie Simpson: Dew point: Why we feel so muggy

By Jamie Simpson

Staff Writer

...

The dew point is not a relative quantity. Rather, it measures how much moisture is in the air at any given time. The higher the dew point, the more moisture there is in the air and the harder it is for our bodies to cool. It starts to get uncomfortable when dew points rise into the 60s (where they have been the past few days) and is very uncomfortable when they rise above 70. The muggiest days late last week had dew points in the low to even mid-70s. Thursday we will combine temperatures in the 90s with dew points in the low 70s. That will make it feel (to our bodied trying to cool) like it will be 100 or higher — that's a quantity we call the heat index.

U.S. Senate Confirms Inalienable Rights

Senate votes to bar emergency gun confiscation

Reuters
Thursday, July 13, 2006; 8:10 PM

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Senate on Thursday voted to prohibit the confiscation of legally owned guns during an emergency like last year's Hurricane Katrina, marking another victory for the gun lobby.

By a vote of 84-16, the Senate embraced an amendment by Sen. David Vitter, a Louisiana Republican. He attached his measure to a domestic security spending bill for the fiscal year starting October 1 that the Senate is expected to pass soon.

...

Small picture = This is necessary legislation to ensure that law-abiding citizens are never again stripped of their means for self defense when illegally armed gangs of rapists and looters are roaming an area that closely resembles something from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

Big picture = It's sad that this legislation was necessary in the first place. Going house to house and prying legal firearms from little old ladies (See: Patricia Konie) isn't what our Law Enforcement Officers should be doing during a crisis.

This legislation only prohibits agents from the Dept. of Homeland Security from acting despicably. So it's a step in the right direction... but is basically ineffective. This needs to apply to the FBI and BATF as they are the nice, public servants that will break down your door without a warrant and confiscate your legally-owned property.

Many states are considering this type of legislation and the National Rifle Association has stated that it is a priority for their pursuits.

Brady Campaign State Report Cards

The Brady Campaign releases annual state report cards documenting how well they feel each state is doing "on Laws Shielding Families From Gun Violence." Let's see what they think of Florida (with their steady 14 year decrease in crime) and Washington, DC (with their recent state of crime emergency).




Be sure and notice what the big "F" is for DC that drops their average to a "B": "Ability of Congress to Repeal DC's gun laws."

So in the eyes of The Brady Campaign, if Congress didn't have the power to make laws, then DC would be rated as a near-utopia for gun violence. Damn those legislative powers! We should just make Sarah Brady Queen.

Florida vs. Washington DC

You've (hopefully) read the short article about Florida's decreasing crime rate over the past 14 years. Now let's take a look at recent news out of Washington, DC.

Nation's Capital Declares Crime Emergency
By BRETT ZONGKER
Associated Press Writer

...

Alan Senitt, was attacked in the Georgetown area on Sunday, his throat was slit and police say the attackers attempted to rape his companion. It was the 13th homicide in the city this month. Robberies are up 14 percent, and armed assaults have jumped 18 percent in the past 30 days.

...

District of Columbia Police Chief Charles Ramsey declared a crime emergency in the city after Senitt, a volunteer for the potential presidential campaign of former Virginia Gov. Mark R. Warner, was killed.

The crime emergency declaration allows commanders more flexibility to adjust officers' schedules and reassign them to high-crime areas.

The tourist-friendly National Mall, which is under the jurisdiction of Park Police rather than D.C. police, is usually considered safe. But the recent crimes against tourists have raised calls for a larger police presence.

...

But.. but... how can this be? DC has a complete and total handgun ban. Surely if we enact strict firearm laws then crime will go away, right?

Anti-gun advocates say that allowing citizens to carry handguns for self defense somehow increases the violent crime rate, or at worst has no effect. Some of the most widely accepted studies on the matter are from John R. Lott's studies in More Guns, Less Crime. He finds that while crime rates overall do not tend to decrease, violent crime is significantly reduced and those criminals displace their efforts into property crime.

Let's say the gun grabbers illogical claims are correct and the scientific study performed by James D. Wright and Peter H. Rossi is incorrect in which they surveyed almost 2000 imprisoned felons and found that criminals fear armed citizens more than the police. Even if a growing armed populace won't decrease the overall crime rate, it allows for a decrease in the most important crime rate of all: The personal murder rate for me and my family.

Comments regarding article commenting on Florida's crime rate

The Brady Campaign consistently demonizes Florida due to their common sense gun laws. Florida has been a trendsetter regarding legally licensed citizens carrying a handgun for self defense, "Stand Your Ground" laws, and other important pieces of legislation. People can look to Florida (as their laws have been in place the longest) to see how completely asinine gun control activists' claims of "returning to the Wild West" or "bloodbaths in the streets" have always been.

After Florida passed their "Stand Your Ground" legislation, The Brady Campaign began erecting these billboards all over the state:


I think these should be placed everywhere if you change the word "Visitor" to "Criminal." They forget to mention that the justification for deadly force hasn't changed in that you still need to fear for your life and have not instigated/escalated the situation.

I wonder why The Brady Campaign doesn't put up billboards in Illinois and Wisconsin that say "Attention Criminals - It is illegal for our citizens to defend themselves. Happy pickings."

Florida Article Commenting on Reasons for Decreased Crime

Read the whole article here.

Bush: Florida crime rate down to lowest level since '71

By BRENT KALLESTAD
Associated Press Writer

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida's crime rate dropped for the 14th straight year in 2005 to its lowest mark since 1971 because of tougher laws, increased financial support from the Legislature and law-abiding citizens with guns, Gov. Jeb Bush said Tuesday.

"This report shows that staying tough on crime works," said Bush. "Law abiding citizens that have guns for protection actually probably are part of the reason we have a lower crime rate."

...

Last year Bush signed a bill that allows people who feel threatened on the street, in a bar, at a ball game — or just about anywhere — to "meet force with force" to defend themselves without fear of being prosecuted.

"You send a real powerful signal when you know the citizen has a good potential of being armed and doesn't have to back off anymore," said John Birch, president of the Illinois-based Concealed Carry, Inc.

Opponents, however, have said the idea would legalize shootouts in the streets

...

What Really Grinds My Gears - Part 2

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that I have to shave everyday. HELLO! I don't want and have never wanted hair on my face outside of a goatee arrangement. It's been 14 years now that I've been shaving you guys. Why can't you understand? My biceps seem to have gotten the hint. I don't have to make them disappear every morning.

You know what the definition of insanity is? Continuing to do something and expecting a different outcome when no other outcome is possible. I can't take having thousands of insane objects on my face any longer. Who knows when they'll decide to team up and really wreak some havoc. There's no stopping them. Something must be done. And I'm just the man to do it.

House Rules

I have recently acquired my very own fooseball table. Therefore, I will enlighten you as to the only way to play the beloved sport that is table soccer:

Phi Delta Theta House Rules

1) No Spinning. I was told that this rule minimizes wear to the table. Bogus! I don't see how spinning the rods can hurt anything. I continue the tradition because I believe it forces the fooseball player to develop better control of his teammates. After spinning, you're not immediately prepared to defend against shots taken by your opponents' defensive players.

2) The "5-Men" (the most populous rods on the table) May Not Score a Goal. Fooseball is a sport of skill -- not luck. It's far too easy to "score" with these players as soon as the ball is put in play. If you've ever played, you know that 80% of the "goals" are "scored" in this fashion regardless of the lack of skill needed to do so.

3) Only Clean Goals Count. The point is not scored if any player (theirs or yours) touches the ball before it is deposited into the goal. Again, we emphasize skill -- not luck. It takes a talented athlete to make sure that no defensive player touches the ball as it is being shot. This also rules out being beaten by lucky, unintentional deflections. I agree that this rule can be frustrating, but not that it is unnecessary.

4) Shutout = Naked Run. Once you find yourself on the trailing end of a 9-0 score, I will momentarily excuse myself from the table in order to play an audio tape of 45 drunken bastards screaming, "ONE MORE GOAL! ONE MORE GOAL! ..." That's right, if a shutout occurs, you're stripping and running your bare ass to the book store and back. You may ask, "Why would you continue this insane practice now that you're out of college?" I could only answer with the best of Fraternal logic: "You have to do it because I had to do it." Yep, I still recall that chilly February evening that saw Sorority girls lining the sidewalk thanks to the previously mentioned chanting.

(Aside: Johnny H is supposed to stop by this evening and has mentioned that he would only be partaking in darts. I imagine he said so due to living at PDT for a summer. Or perhaps he's come down with an acute case of Vagititis. I told his pansy ass that I will suspend Rule #4 until I figure out where the nearest book store is located.)

So now, Loyal Reader, go forth and pass on what you have learned.

Op-Ed on Mississippi's "Stand Your Ground" Legislation

Note: The "Stand Your Ground" legislation that I've discussed before is also dubbed as the "Castle Doctrine" by the pro gun rights folks.

Read the whole article here:

'Castle doctrine' lesson? Stay out of the wrong castle
by Sid Salter

Detractors of Mississippi's new "Castle doctrine" law are fretting as Senate Bill 2426 goes into effect this week.

They say that the law legitimizes the notion of "shoot first and ask questions later."

They say that the law will make it easier for criminals to claim self-defense when they kill someone.

They say that the law will encourage more people to buy guns and empower them to use them without fear of civil liability if they injure or kill someone.

All three of those criticisms are correct.

But there's a simple solution to those problem areas in the "Castle doctrine."

People who stay out of the wrong "castle" should be fine. It's difficult to be shot as an intruder if one only enters homes or cars or businesses to which one has both a key to gain entrance and a legal right to be on the premises.

...

I have no sympathy for criminals wounded or killed in the commission of their crimes by citizens under the "Castle doctrine" - because they were simply in the wrong castle at the wrong time.

What Really Grinds My Gears - Part 1

You know what really grinds my gears?

People that can't return their shopping carts to the designated area thus leaving them to roam the parking lot. Nothing makes me madder than pulling into a good spot and finding a cart that is blocking my way. It's infuriating to have to command Joanna to get out and move it.

Who's Schmoozing Me Now? Part 3

The Socialist Party

Party Platform:

The Socialist Party stands for the abolition of every form of domination and exploitation, whether based on social class, gender, race/ethnicity, age, education, sexual orientation, or other characteristics.

We are committed to the transformation of capitalism through the creation of a democratic socialist society based on compassion, empathy, and respect as well as the development of new social structures. Socialism will establish a new social and economic order in which workers and community members will take responsibility for and control of their interpersonal relationships, their neighborhoods, their local government, and the production and distribution of all goods and services.

For these reasons we call for social ownership and democratic control of productive resources, for a guarantee to all of the right to participate in societal production, and to a fair share of society's product, in accordance with individual needs.

As we pursue a socialist transformation of society, we join with others in making radical demands on the existing system: demands that challenge the basic assumptions of a capitalist market economy while pointing the way to a new society. Although reforms will not in themselves bring about socialism, the fight for them will advance the cause by demonstrating the inherent limitations and injustice of the capitalist system. As we build the socialist movement, we organize around a platform committed to our common and interdependent struggles and aspirations.

My Summary: We want to completely change the human condition and create a perfect society void of violence, jealousy, and anger because everyone will be equally wealthy and taken care of by their government.

Pros:

• $15 minimum wage - everyone's equally rich!
• Nobody has to do dangerous or tedious work like moving boulders or mining coal. Everyone has the same education so we'll all be equally skilled and happy in our good jobs. If at some point we realize that the world needs ditch diggers, the doctors won't mind having the same salary as the shit-cleaner-uppers.
  
• I don't have to worry about anything. The government tells me what to do and who to give my money to.

Cons:

• The massive hangovers resulting from the psychotic drugs that make the populace think this fairy tale could work.

I realize that Socialism and Communism can sound good on paper. But it's never, ever worked. Unfortunately, the human condition won't allow it to work. A person is smart, mobs are moronic.

I really want to try and be at least a little objective in these posts, but I find no way to do so with Socialism.

A Better Blogger Than I

I don't visit too many sites on a daily basis. One that I never miss is The Dilbert Blog. How lucky I am to have daily witticisms from the man that put forth my much-prized Dilbert desk calendar.

Today's post discusses the odd coincidence that the Enron guy wound up dead right before being sent to prison. Scott concludes with:

"My theory is that Ken – if that’s his real first name – named himself after a bag of chips, scammed his way up the corporate ladder, stole a few hundred million dollars, faked his death and sailed to Aruba where dead people are rarely found."

I've thought about commenting on this story myself, but would never have been able to do it as well. Go check it out and add it to your morning work routine right after making coffee and right before checking your eBay status. Works for me.

Happy Independence Day!

"Remember this summer when you're being inundated with all this Fourth of July, Bicentennial broohaha, that this country was founded by a bunch of rich, white, slave-owning aristocrats who didn't want to pay their taxes."

-- Dazed and Confused

Arguments With The Wife About My Front-Yard Erections

Now that we're getting settled in the new homestead, I've been thinking about putting in a flagpole. My wife thinks we're not old enough for that. As much as I hate to associate age with that kind of thing, I agree with her and it's made me pause. This just struck me as weird as I think I'm a pretty patriotic guy.

Maybe if I mix it up and fly a Wahoo banner every now and then I'll feel OK about it.

Even better -- I can fly penants that reflect the American League Central standings.

"Morning, Phil."
"Morning, Mike. Looks the Tribe had another win last night, huh? Move 'em on up!" (Obviously this conversation takes place in 2007.)

Now if only I can learn how to play "Talkin' Tribe" on the bugle.

Wimp My Ride

Who else thinks the magnetic ribbon decals for your car have gotten waaaay out of hand? Remember when sporting a ribbon used to mean something? Supporting troops... breast cancer...AIDS... Now they're just a fashion statement.

I passed a minivan today with one that said "Honor Student." Either this jackass has taken the concept of these ribbons far past the point of no return, or they've started a non-profit fund to help the endangered American Honor Student. (Why the hell are Norwegians so damn smart anyway?!)

I also read something not too long ago that broke down how much money goes to troop organizations from 99% of the magnetic ribbons you buy from retailers. Basically zero. Send your dollar to an actual charity, not plastic manufacturers.