House Rules
I have recently acquired my very own fooseball table. Therefore, I will enlighten you as to the only way to play the beloved sport that is table soccer:
Phi Delta Theta House Rules
1) No Spinning. I was told that this rule minimizes wear to the table. Bogus! I don't see how spinning the rods can hurt anything. I continue the tradition because I believe it forces the fooseball player to develop better control of his teammates. After spinning, you're not immediately prepared to defend against shots taken by your opponents' defensive players.
2) The "5-Men" (the most populous rods on the table) May Not Score a Goal. Fooseball is a sport of skill -- not luck. It's far too easy to "score" with these players as soon as the ball is put in play. If you've ever played, you know that 80% of the "goals" are "scored" in this fashion regardless of the lack of skill needed to do so.
3) Only Clean Goals Count. The point is not scored if any player (theirs or yours) touches the ball before it is deposited into the goal. Again, we emphasize skill -- not luck. It takes a talented athlete to make sure that no defensive player touches the ball as it is being shot. This also rules out being beaten by lucky, unintentional deflections. I agree that this rule can be frustrating, but not that it is unnecessary.
4) Shutout = Naked Run. Once you find yourself on the trailing end of a 9-0 score, I will momentarily excuse myself from the table in order to play an audio tape of 45 drunken bastards screaming, "ONE MORE GOAL! ONE MORE GOAL! ..." That's right, if a shutout occurs, you're stripping and running your bare ass to the book store and back. You may ask, "Why would you continue this insane practice now that you're out of college?" I could only answer with the best of Fraternal logic: "You have to do it because I had to do it." Yep, I still recall that chilly February evening that saw Sorority girls lining the sidewalk thanks to the previously mentioned chanting.
(Aside: Johnny H is supposed to stop by this evening and has mentioned that he would only be partaking in darts. I imagine he said so due to living at PDT for a summer. Or perhaps he's come down with an acute case of Vagititis. I told his pansy ass that I will suspend Rule #4 until I figure out where the nearest book store is located.)
So now, Loyal Reader, go forth and pass on what you have learned.
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4 comments
4 Comments:
Isn't is "foosball"?
No spinning is a good rule because spinning is not fair, that's why. No self-respecting player should spin - I like this rule.
80% scored by the middle men? Seems high. Why are these goals considered no good but ones from the backline count? Those seem to me even luckier. This rule still seems odd to me.
No player can touch the ball before it goes in? Do we wait for a gust of wind? (Careful with your wording) What if a goalie deflects a shot but it still goes in? I love the concept, but there is much room for interpretation.
Of course you like rule #4 because you hustle everyone and win! I'll NEVER play you if that rule is in effect, ever.
Isn't is "foosball"?
I believe both are socially accepted. I could be wrong, but Google backs me up.
Why are these goals considered no good but ones from the backline count?
Because they don't! In all seriousness, I like the rule because it discounts instances where people spin the ball or enter it into play in such a way that they always get first possession. I suppose this could be the rule, but it isn't.
[backline goals] seem to me even luckier.
It's pretty obvious when someone is shooting to score from the back line versus frantically getting it out of their end of the table. Getting a clean goal from the backline may appear "lucky" to the unskilled. I suggest you folks practice.
No player can touch the ball before it goes in? Do we wait for a gust of wind?
I think every single person knows what I'm talking about. Your recent posts lead me to believe you expect more out of my blog than the typical rant-filled opinionated standard. For that I thank you. BTW, I did have a lengthy description of "from the time your offensive player intentionally initiates contact in order to take a shot until the time the ball is deposited in the goal..." But I already think most of my posts are too verbose.
Of course you like rule #4 because you hustle everyone and win!
Are you refering to my strategic, subtle "hustling" skills that include proclaiming to everyone that I'm the greatest fooseball player they're ever going to meet?
I'll NEVER play you if that rule is in effect, ever.
See if John wants to sell you a refill of his prescription. IT'S AN EPIDEMIC!
P.S. - I love the fact that I'm continually calling John out when all I have to go by is his email, of which the entire text is below...
Mikey you're on, for darts anyway. Heather will be dropping me off.
John
Sorry, I forgot to answer one of Andy's questions: What if a goalie deflects a shot but it still goes in?
The rule still stands as, "The point is not scored if any player (theirs or yours) touches the ball before it is deposited into the goal." If a goalie barely deflects the shot and the shot goes in, it's still not a point. Your shot wasn't good enough. Try harder.
I suppose there is a bit of ambiguity, namely stating that an offensive player needs to initiate the shot. So if I'm team Red, and one of my own Red guys knocks the ball into our goal and nobody touches it, that does not constitute a point for team White as it was not an offensive shot. The rule will now stand as,
Rule 3) Only Clean Goals Count. The point is not scored if any player (theirs or yours) touches the ball from the time an offensive player initiates contact in order to take a shot until it is deposited into the goal.
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