Speaking of Cartoons...

No fewer than 10 of the finest Pabst Blue Ribbon beverages led me to watching an episode of The Smurfs this Friday evening. I used to wake up early every Saturday morning when I was young and never missed an adventure.

1) Gargomoyle (sp?) is not the biggest dick on that show. That honor belongs to Brainy Smurf. He's one of them and still acts like an ass all of the time. At least Gargomoyle has an excuse. He's obviously bat-shit and thinks smurfs are the most delicious things in the world. I've never tasted one, so I can't contradict the man. Brainy screws over his brethren every chance he gets.

2) If I were a smurf, I'd do anything possible to stand out in the crowd. Tattoo me, give me some spectacles, let me wear a different hat, whatever. It's the only way to get any respect (and air time) in the smurf world.

3) I still get mind-fucked when I think about the fact that a smurf is supposed to stand three apples high. Anybody else picture them a couple inches tall at most? Those must be some big fucking mushrooms they live in since they contain beds, doors, and windows. Also, those full sacks of smurfs Gargomoyle catches in every episode must be heavy.